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James Douglas Morrison: As I Look Back

by Bill Boethius & Dali's Car

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1.
Childhood 05:34
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As I look back over my life I am struck by post cards Ruined snap shots faded posters Of a time, I can’t recall Before the beach, & birth, was the home for travellers juvenile pen a barracks in limbo of souls sans desire They instil desire, day by day & night too Parachute birth 1st moments as war 1st days of pain Struggle toward Consciousness I am a Scot, or so I’m told. Really the heir of Mystery Christians The child of a Military family . . . . 1st early memories — attention-getting baby hide from mother & elephant walk back thru time to that child again, staring rotten thru the fence at the angels next door early memories Asthma Albuquerque lawn chairs & lock’d in garage shelves w/girl Beautiful Mexican girl – her mother May dance – lost shoe “Bad boy” – No, he’s a good boy Think of Nothing – get what you want The Mail Box I initiated dirt-clod fights in the canyon & got bombed in the stomach by rocks Parachutes from silk handkerchief Kites Snake in the Glen “But they were picking on the little kids” I told stories & led Treasure hunts for children I led bicycle packs chasing girls home from school & delighted in spanking them I rebelled against church after phases of fervor I curried favor in school & attack’d the teachers I was given a desk in the corner I was a fool & The smartest kid in class I created a mock treasure Tried to get blood To hide in woods near school a monitor stopt me Walks in D.C. in Negro streets. The library & book stores. Orange brick in warm sun. The books & poets magic Then sex gives greater stimulation Than you’ve ever known & all peace & books lose their charm & you are thrown back on the eye of vision chooks – Depantsing – fights – Blue Bus etc. Trying to have a ducktail asserted myself by wit I have tried to learn more about homos but it’s not easy to discuss. This is true about sex in general, even more than philosophy or religion Morés change – but not the mystery History of Rock coinciding w/my Adolescence Came to LA to Film School I was never really much of a doper Acid popular, taken at least once or twice by most everyone I knew “grinding your wheels” I can attest to its power. Saw many astonishing things Venice Summer Drug Visions Roof top songs The early Notebook Lost Notebooks Watching Elvis on T.V. humorous Rock & Roll riots
2.
Doors 05:57
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Name came 1st Doors of Perception Our lugubrious snaky sound. Heavy as ice as glass. early struggles & Humiliations Thanks to the girls who fed me. Making Records Elvis had sex – wise mature voice at 19. Mine still retains the nasal whine of a repressed adolescent minor squeaks & furies An interesting singer at best – a scream or a sick croon. Nothing in-between. It’s hard, this going back Tropicana – naked Acid. Christ, it’s you, a female human. Bo Diddley Them London Fog Whisky – the girls cheated Box office Love ROAD DAYS fear of Plane death And night was what Night should be A girl, a bottle, & blessed sleep Night of the End — does no one understand wreck studio A natural leader, a poet, a Shaman, w/the soul of a clown. My desire for family What am I doing in the Bull Ring Arena Every public figure running for Leader Spectators at the Tomb -riot watchers Fear of Eyes Assassination Artaud’s effort to escape the collective Consciousness I have ploughed My seed thru the heart of the nation. Injected a germ in the psychic blood vein. Now I embrace the poetry of business & become – for a time – a “Prince of Industry” Had the disgrace to be successful. Back Door Man Never tipped over into revolutionary hysteria. 1st to bring normal academic intelligence to rock. Classical American I sit looking out office window movie The soft parade Longhairs bands over the city gangs of outlaws The meeting Rid of managers & agents The horror of business Public self-analysis The Problem of Money guilt do I deserve it? Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.
3.
Miami 05:24
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Miami blew my confidence You're all a bunch of fuckin' idiots! Lettin' people tell you what you're gonna do! Lettin' people push you around! How long d'you think it's going t' last? How long are you going t' let it go on? How long are goin' t' let them push you around? How long? Maybe you like it! Maybe you like bein' pushed around? Maybe you love it! Maybe you love gettin' your face stuck in th' shit! Come on! Maybe you love being pushed around! You love it, don't cha! You love it. You're all a bunch of slaves! Bunch of slaves! You're all a bunch of slaves! Lettin' everybody push you around! What're gonna do about it?! What're gonna do about it?! What're gonna do about it?!! What're gonna do about it?!! What're gonna do about it?!!! What're gonna do?! What're gonna do?! What're gonna do?!! But really I blew it on purpose Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! Hey wait a minute: this is all fucked up! No, wait a minute, wait a minute! Wait a minute, you blew it! You blew it! You blew it! No, come on! Wait a minute, wait a minute! How am I going to go on? Wait a minute, I' not gonna take this shit! I'm comin' out! Now, wait a minute! Bullshit! The Decency rally, and away we go Now listen, I used to think the whole thing was a big joke. I used to think it was somethin' to laugh about. And then the last couple a' nights I met some people Who were doin' somethin' They're tryin' to change the world. And I wanna get on the trip, I wanna change the world, Wanna change it. The jury, sniffing the witnesses. Trying the devil in Florida. Hey listen, I'm not talkin' about no revolution I'm not talkin' about no demonstration I'm yalkin' about havin' fun! I'm talking about dancin' I wanna see you people get up an' dance! I wanna see you people dancin' in the street this summer! I wanna see you have some fun. I wanna see you roll aroun' I wanna see you paint the town, I wanna see you ringin' out, I wanna see you shout I wanna see some fun I wanna see some fun from everyone Fear of jail. Nah, you'd adjust There are no rules, There are no laws, Do what ever you wanna do Do it! Relief of trial Alright! Alright! I wanna see some action out there! I wanna see some action out there! I wanna see some action out there! I wanna see some action out there! I wanna see you people come on up here and have some fun! Now, come on, let's get on up here! No limits! No laws! Come on, come on This is your show Anything you want goes Now, come on Anything you want then let's do it Let's do it, let's do it .. Bearable Pleasant life here.
4.
Paris 06:05
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each day is a drive thru history regret for wasted nights & wasted years I pissed it all away American music After 4 years I'm left with a mind like a fuzzy hammer Milton's youth - will I get a chance to write my Paradise Lost To break with past (wife & partners) & define self. The joy of performing has ended. Joy of films is pleasure of writing. End w/fond good-bye & plans for future –Not an actor Writer – filmmaker Money from home good luck stay out of trouble Which of my cellves will be remember’d Good-bye America I loved you

about

Jim Morrison's autobiographical poem 'As I Look Back' was written in May 1971. Then, he was in Paris, contemplating a change in his life.
The poem was not published until 1988 in 'Wilderness', and even then it was in truncated form. Only in 2021 was the full version published [in The Collected Works], and that is the version given here.
I have broken the poem down into four sections, and given each section its own title for each track to enable a breadth of word setting.

credits

released May 8, 2023

Words by James Douglas Morrison
Sounds & music by Bill Boethius Osborn

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Bill Boethius & Dali's Car London, UK

"The Dali of guitar noise".
Free improv,
Cinematic Sounds:
Strange Blues:
Cosmic Jazz,
Poetry settings,

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